We typically find ourselves discovering seduction and pickup culture when we feel socially inhibited or lose someone we care deeply about. We do this as a coping mechanism to prevent further pain. Pickup artists come into our lives at this time, when we are at our most vulnerable. This is why pickup culture is so predominant in society during the 21st century. It’s almost as if we believe seducing someone we idealize will somehow mask all of our critical areas for growth. 

The issue behind pickup artists and the seduction industry is that they only teach you how to be around a woman for maybe the first 72 hours. After that, you’re on your own. Suave tricks and scripted jokes can only capture a woman’s attention and (possibly) get you laid. When we’re looking to build a meaningful connection with another being, we need to get in touch with our emotions and sensitivities. We all yearn for a sensible person to share our emotional depth with. The insincere mask behind pickup culture limits the acceptance of self.
Seduction is when we try to make a person desire us by acting a certain way because we don’t believe they could love us just as we are. The seduction industry teaches us that we are unlovable just as we are.

Being reliant on outside attention and sexual interaction for our self-worth creates an unhealthy sense of entitlement and dissatisfaction when our needs aren’t met. When we merge dating and self-worth, we create a dynamic where only surface-level connections are being made because we seek power over another person and external validation to make us feel worthy.

Most professional pickup artists fuel our resentments and insecurities toward the opposite gender to gain our support as followers. They want us to believe we have to wear a mask to be loved because that’s how they make money, selling masks to fools. 

They want us to believe it’s women vs. men—the more of a divide they create, the more money they make. The seduction industry treat sex and money as the ultimate endgame, rather than building a relationship or improving self-worth. This can only provide weak band-aid solutions to complex issues in life.

By unmasking ourselves and inviting authentic vulnerability back into our lives, we give another being the opportunity to see us for who we truly are. There’s no way to know if they will love us for who we are unless we give them the opportunity. 

If you were looking for some slick trick, I’m sorry to disappoint you; there’s no shortcut to making another person truly value us for who we are instead of what we can do for them. We can love ourselves and invite people we value into our lives. We may have fewer available suitors, but at least we will know that those in our lives are there because they see the actual value in maintaining our connection. That is what I call genuine human connection. 

Sex was never the actual end game for any of us. Genuine human connection – the security behind being our authentic selves and genuinely accepted by another – is what we all have all been longing for. The desire for sex is a curtain covering the desire to be loved in our most vulnerable state.

Sex can make women and men alike feel incredibly vulnerable. We all want to be seen for who we are. After we have sex with someone, we are suddenly so afraid they won’t accept us for who we are that we close the doors for any potential genuine human connection. Rejection is bound to sting at times. The sting of rejection should fuel us to become more significant than we once were, rather than divide us from the rest of humanity.