An important aspect of embarking on the journey to becoming an integrated man is continuous learning. It requires embracing the humility that you don’t know it all, but you are willing to learn and open to new ideas. I recommend reading a whole lot of varied topics and opinions and you would see from my waiting list. This will allow you to grow and form your own opinions and values over time. You will learn what you value most. In time having your own set of values that you hold will start defining your life in amazing ways.
Author : Robert Glover
Robert Glover says, “Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and avoid conflict like the plague.” According to Glover, Nice Guys are anything but nice. In his definitive work based on years of working with men and conducting men’s groups, Glover lays down the truth about where a lot of issues for men stem from. The faulty internalized belief system that If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me). I would recommend this to every man and I have met a lot of women who have read the book and recommended it to their guy friends, partners and husbands. Highly recommended for everyone looking to live the way of an integrated man.
Author : Dr. Michael Pariser
If you’ve Dr. Robert Glover’s book and believe that you are fairly familiar with the concepts but need some concrete steps to take action in life then this is the book for you. Michael Pariser is a friend of Dr. Glover and seems to have worked closely with the master to come up with an actionable workbook to help you make the changes necessary in life. While some of the work can be done by yourself, there is little value in trying to do it alone. It helps to surround yourself with people who are also on their “Hero’s” journey and learn from them. It helps to have people who are ahead in this journey and can guide you while sharing their mistakes so you have a clearer path ahead of you.
Author : Brene Brown
If you are not aware of Brene Brown’s body of work then head over quickly to TED talks and watch her. You will be hard-pressed not to relate to what she has to say about shame, vulnerability, and self-acceptance. This is one of the most amazing books that have had a great impact on my life and you will see me quote from it time to time. She has written some great stuff before and after it, but if you read this one, I don’t think you’ll need to read her previous body of work. I believe this is a culmination of her previous books. So if you haven’t read it yet, go ahead and get it.
Author : Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin provides a fresh perspective on personality profiles and how they impact what we do. She particularly points out the Obliger tendency which is another word for a Nice Guy when it comes to men. I would highly recommend this book as it will help you understand some of the nuances of your and others’ behaviors and give you actionable suggestions to make changes. One thing that resonated with me is that it points out that about 40% of people have the Obliger tendency and those with Upholder tendencies have an Obliger tendency. This means that there is a large proportion of people who wish to meet the needs of others, the key is how to do it without sacrificing our own needs.
Author : Robert Glover
Dr. Glover has been providing some really good information to men through his podcasts over the years. This is a summary of all the podcasts and the lessons he learned from his own journey through dating and relationships after his divorce in the early 2000s. He has figured quite a few things out and the advice is really solid. If you are done and dusted with all the pickup and red pill stuff and ready to do the work in becoming a better man and a better dater this is the book to read. I would still recommend downloading and listening to his podcasts as they are pure gold.
Author : Don Miguel Ruiz
Don Miguel Ruiz distills the Toltec wisdom in this easy-to-read book for all. We all have the tendency to take things personally at times. This book is a reminder about mindset changes that help us handle difficult things in life. Everyone should read and reread this book at various stages in life to ensure that we are keeping these agreements to ourselves.
Author : Jia Jiang
One of the things a Nice Guy is really scared of is rejection. As a result of childhood abandonment experiences, it is hard for Nice Guys to come to terms that rejection is a normal part of human experience. Jia Jiang took this challenge heads on and decided to overcome his fear of rejection by actively seeking it. It is a fun book in which Jia Jiang shares his experience of a hundred rejections and what it taught him. Read it, and hopefully, you too will find some great ideas that would help you overcome this fear of rejection.
Author : M. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck is a timeless classic and is one of my top five recommended books. It was a book way ahead of its time and even after 40 years of its publishing, the lessons ring true. It is one of the books that I go back to every few years and I always learn something new. My favorite quote, that I am still reflecting up after reading it some 20 years ago, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
Author : Eckhart Tolle
A large part of living the life of an integrated man is about living consciously. Accepting what is. A quintessential read for anyone looking to living a more conscious life. The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle is a great introduction to anyone who is looking to delve into the Eastern philosophies with associations or a religious slant. The message is pure and simple, living in the now because that is all you have.
Author : Mark Manson
Mark Manson shares his worldly wisdom in this candidly written everyman book. This book is an extension of a blog he wrote in 2014 that became an instant hit. All his fans are grateful that he took the time to write this book. Contrary to the name, this book talks about values and responsibilities and is indeed an eye-opener and a great conversation starter. There’s no wonder it was featured in a number of bestsellers’ lists. I believe this is a great companion to No More Mr. Nice Guy and only solidifies the concept that seeking external validation makes you a slave of that validation.