Most of us have had the experience of leaning over and whispering in our lover’s ear, “I love you.” We then wait expectantly for our beloved to respond with, “I love you too.” This is an example of a covert contract in which a person gives to get. Giving “I love yous” to get “I love you toos” in return is the basic way Nice Guys go about trying to get all of their needs met. There is nothing wrong with asking your partner to tell you she loves you, but telling her “I love you” first to get an “I love you too” in return is indirect, unclear, and manipulative. As a result of the conditioning they received in their family and society, Nice Guys believe if they are “good,” then they should be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life. In reality, the primary paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is nothing more than a big covert contract with life. I have been thinking about these covert contracts in the larger context of our relationships and the expectations that come with them. Let’s meet up and have a lively discussion around convert contracts and see how we can choose to create more authentic connections.
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Our Weekly meetings are held on Tuesday nights (a minimum of 48 weeks per year) 6 - 8 pm via Zoom. They are split into two parts, the check-ins, followed by the presentation and discussion on the topic of the night.
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