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Making Your Needs A Priority

Making Your Needs A Priority
Nov 30, 2021 | 6:00 p.m., Mountain Time
people attended this event.

Nice Guys generally focus their attention on meeting everyone else’s needs while trying to be “low maintenance” kinds of guys themselves. This ubiquitous pattern amongst Nice Guys is the result of childhood conditioning. For Nice Guys, trying to become needless and wantless was what they had to do in order to cope with their childhood abandonment experiences. Since it was when they had the most needs that they felt the most abandoned, they believed it was their needs that drove people away. These helpless little boys concluded that if they could eliminate or hide all of their needs, then no one would abandon them. They also convinced themselves that if they didn’t have needs, it wouldn’t hurt so bad when their needs weren’t met. This created an unsolvable bind: these helpless little boys could not totally repress their needs and stay alive, and they could not meet their needs on their own. The only logical solution was to try to appear to be needless and wantless while trying to get needs met in indirect and covert ways. As a result of these childhood survival mechanisms, Nice Guys often believe it is a virtue to have few needs or wants. Beneath this facade of needlessness and wantlessness, all Nice Guys are actually extremely needy. Consequently, when they go about trying to get their needs met, Nice Guys are frequently indirect, unclear, manipulative, and controlling. Since getting their needs met contradicts their childhood paradigms, Nice Guys are extremely uncomfortable when they actually do get what they want. Though most Nice Guys have a difficult time grasping this concept, they are terrified of getting what they really want and will go to extreme measures to make sure they don’t. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must be centered around learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. This week we are learning to stop with the covert contracts, we are giving with limits, and we are making our needs a priority. Join us this week at Integrated Men as we build personal power by letting go of the childhood conditioning that no longer serves us. This world is a place of abundance and you belong here. Your needs are important and there are people in this world who are happy and willing to help meet them. If you are not a member of the Integrated Men’s Personal Development Community and would like to attend the meeting please join us at https://apply.integratedmen.net/join

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