The discussion on Living an Authentic Life continues. This week in part four of Authenticity, we are going to talk about Covert Contracts. We’re going to wrap up this four-part series of discussions by looking at how we can become aware of our covert contracts. As we do this, we’ll also talk a little bit about self-soothing, because nice guy syndrome is an anxiety-based disorder. So learning to soothe ourselves is essential for us to become more authentic and acting in authentic ways. — Breaking free from the Nice Guy syndrome is all about becoming authentic. Being who you are, accepting yourself, being a WYSIWYG kind of guy, living with integrity, being honest, being differentiated and “making you, your wants and your needs” a priority. The core of the Nice Guy syndrome, is based on the inaccurate, internalized beliefs from childhood. We internalized a belief that “I’m not OK just as I am”. This is the toxic shame that Robert Glover talks about in NMMNG. It is that fundamental belief that, we are fundamentally defective in some way. Now sometimes as Nice Guys, we have no clue what it is about us that’s defective. We just know and assume emotionally, that we are. In other cases, Nice Guys can be pretty good at listing all the ways they are defective. So whether you dwell on the particulars, or just have this generalized, internalized belief, that you’re not good enough, that you’re not OK, just the way you are. You’ve been living your life, believing you have to become others want you to be. And hide what they might disapprove of, in order to be loved and get your needs met. This is basically the anxiety management skills, the defense mechanisms, and the shame hiding mechanisms you learned as a child. And it usually gets converted into covert contracts of the Nice Guy syndrome.
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